Top Shelf Scotch Tattoos

The most unprofessional thing a writer can possibly do is open up an article with an “Anchorman” quote. I’ve told myself this, I’ve told other writers this, I’ve even told an intern or two over the years. You just don’t do it. I know that for people of a certain age with a certain sense of humor, we basically spoke nothing other than “Anchorman” quotes for years. This is Inked Magazine, a very professional publication and we will never stoop to that level. But nobody ever said anything about GIFs….

Much like Ron Burgundy, I too love Scotch. Oh so very, very much.

I don’t consider myself to be a snob when it comes to alcohol. I’ll gladly drink PBR and Johnnie Walker Blue. I’m much more of an aficionado. Or, as some people say behind my back, “a drunk.”

My love of Scotch was inherited from my father and it has served as both a blessing and a curse throughout my life. Thanks to his extensive collection, I have had the opportunity to taste many amazing different Scotch whiskies over the years. It was in the living room bonding with my dad that I discovered my affinity, from the aforementioned Blue Label to a variety of Glenmorangies to my personal favorite Laphroaig.

The curse reveals itself any time I wish to consume Scotch whisky with any other human being in any other setting. In other words, Inked Magazine doesn’t pay me nearly enough to afford the Scotch I have become accustomed to drinking, particularly not in the quantities I wish to imbibe.

Now, I think it should go without saying that once I’d gotten a taste of how the other half live I couldn’t go back to a drinking life consisting entirely of Old Style/Old Crow boilermakers and the occasional Makers Mark. I needed to get my fix one way or the other and I found a fantastic little workaround: Scotch tastings. If you sign up for enough email lists from enough different bars/liquor brands/distributors you’ll soon learn that in any major city there is a Scotch tasting pretty much once a week. Most offer up a healthy amount of whisky at a reasonable price. But the really special ones are FREE.

It was at a Johnnie Walker tasting where the roots my father planted in our living room fully blossomed. As a blend, Johnnie Walker is made up with many different single malt Scotch whiskies. So they gave us drams of five different components in Black Label and we had to attempt to mix them in the proper way to create the blend while simultaneously getting to taste each different component. It was an amazing way to be introduced to the world and it was free, baby! Free!

Hunt these things out, my friends. And considering that July 27 is National Scotch Day, well, I bet that there are plenty of tastings going down all over the place. Sniff ’em out, have yourself a dram and enjoy this collection of Scotch tattoos.