Sex Panther

Sex, hairspray and rock ‘n’ roll, that’s what Steel Panther is all about. If you have never heard of them get ready to have you ball hair blown off, if you have never heard their music get ready to grow that ball hair back times three, if you have never heard the guys converse, well, there will be crasser phrasing than ball talk.

Before the launch party for their new album All You Can Eat the guys from Steel Panther invited Inked into their sex lair (the NYC Gibson showroom). Following is a conversation we had with lead singer Michael Starr and bassist Lexxi Foxxx.

INKED: What’s the connection to Gibson?

Starr: We’re actually endorsed by Gibson,

Does everyone play Gibsons then?

Starr: No we actually play a division of theirs now called Kramer.

And what do you like about them?

Foxx: We don’t have to spend any money. I’m doing my own signatures here…and you know what I have kind of an idea, but I don’t want to say it in this interview

Why?

Foxx: Someone will steal it. It’s the kind of bass that once you play it, like chicks just come.

Come on you or come to you?

Foxx: Both.

Squirt?

Foxx: Yeah, that’s when you know she’s either really young or super horny.

Is there a completely different experience from listening to the album in your earbuds and seeing the stage show?

Foxx: Uhm, yeah. With earbuds you really don’t hear the people screaming and stuff.

Starr: When you hear us in your headphones it’s not as live-sounding. So like it’s a completely different experience.

Foxx: And like, we’re a band it’s like a way better experience if you see us, cause we look bitchin. And if we are not in Kansas the crowd is pretty hot.

Where’s the hottest crowd?

Foxx: Russia. I’ve never sweated so much

Starr: I don’t think they have air-conditioning because it’s socialism out there and they’re not allowed to complain about coldness, but uh as far as like chicks though right?

Foxx: Oh, I thought temperature.

Yeah, we meant what crowd is the most attractive.

Starr: Well, every city we play there’s different types of hot chicks. But Poland had some really hot chicks.

Foxx: Poland did.

Starr: And so did fucking Russia, like super, hot-hot girls and they’re like beaten down already so they like you know what I mean?

Foxx: So, their self-esteem is like Bakersfield girls. You know they grew up without fathers, a lot of them out there in the suburbs.

Starr: They don’t talk either. And when they do talk it’s very like straight to the point. You want me to suck your dick? Yes. Just very short and sweet.

Sounds good.

Starr: But you know what does suck, is when you get a hot chick and she starts sucking your dick and she’s not good at it.

Ah.

Starr: It becomes uncomfortable moment, but uh just for anyone who’s like new and wondering what to do in that situation, you just uh just relieve yourself with your hand and then place back into mouth before…

Do you find you’re prettier than some of your fans or most of your fans?

Starr: We used to be, but now that we’re older, I would say that Lexxi is probably.

Foxx: We will be keeping up with our plastic surgery. But I don’t know, I never really looked at anybody else.

Starr: He only looks at himself in the mirror.

Foxx: That’s what mirrors are for.

Is that the real reason for the new album? More money for work to get done?

Foxx: Yes. Well, yeah, I knew that going into it.

Starr: For me, I’m totally down for the plastic surgery and Botox, but I really would just rather spend the money on chicks and just stay like in darker rooms. We got off the road and we came to New York and I went in the hotel room and it was really bright in there and I was like Oh my god I look fucking beat up from the road. But, the tour bus you look great. And chicks they look better there too.

We like the notion of “Tour Bus Hot.”

Foxx: Tour Bus Hot. That’s a real thing. That’s a good name for a song.

Starr: “She was tour bus hot, sucking my dick.”

Foxx: That’s a good song dude.

What would be something on your rider that someone would be surprised by?

Starr: Oh I got a good one for you, no black couches. You got to ask me why.

Why?

Starr: Well, because, every time we go back stage usually there’s a black couch or black chair and iPhones that guys get are black and they fall in the cracks and you fuckin lose them there.

Have you seen any Panther tattoos on the road?

Starr: We’ve seen several. We’ve seen some really good ones, man, yeah some really really good ones. I haven’t even put Steel Panther on me, neither have you Lexxi, right?

Foxx: No I have not put it on me.

Starr: You can’t. Look what happened to Motley Crue, they put ‘em on and they got John Corabi singing for them. You gotta be careful. It’s like the girl thing, you don’t want to tattoo Pamela on you because then she’ll break up with you.

Where do you get your ink done?

Starr: Welp. I got all my tattoos from this unknown artist in LA, her name’s Kat Von D, she’s up and coming, she’s really struggling right now that’s why I want to give her a plug. She tattoos like a motherfucker. She did my whole arm, I had her do my whole sleeve.

Why only one sleeve?

Starr: I did this one and it was at a time when I was doing a lot of Vicodin. And I was high all the time and it didn’t hurt but now that I stopped doing that, now it’s like I keep thinking about how much it’s going to fucking hurt. You know how annoying it is, right? And plus I don’t know what I want to get yet. And that’s like, I knew where I wanted to go with this, but I used up all my memory ideas and memory so I don’t know…

Lexxi, it looks like you are into Japanese artwork?

Foxx: I think it’s really, really pretty and I like flowers. Is it just cause. Girls like flowers. If I put more flowers on my body here and on my back, back’s not done, umm that’s the way to get chicks. They love flowers.

Starr: I’m thinking about maybe getting a puppy on my arm…it’ll never get old. You know another idea I had? Is getting like, taking a picture of myself when I was 25 and getting it tattooed on my face.

What’s your thoughts about girls with tattoos?

Starr: Hmm…I don’t mind like a really nice piece of back artwork and maybe some thigh action.

Foxx: I like the foot…I think ankle into foot can be really cool.

Does that play into a foot fetish?

Foxx: In part, yeah….

Starr: Absolutely we’re both into feet.

Foxx: Cause then you know what kind of quality you’re getting, you don’t want to get gnarly wasted toes. You got to be young and cute. Not that toes have to be, t they have to go with the body. You could have old toes. As long as they’re manicured then her vagina is probably shaved and kept well.

Starr: It really is telltale. You see a dude with dirty nails and he’s either a junky or he’s not clean. If you’re a girl and you go down on him he’s not going to smell fresh. Hygiene is really important in heavy metal. You got to fucking shower, manscape, and you got to keep it cool because when you roll back into that town you’re reputation is all you have left. That and the stench you left behind.

What one song off the new album would close the deal for sure?

Starr: Fuck, it depends because every girl is different. You got to read out the girl you’re with. And you don’t want to spend too much time like reading ‘em because that becomes like reading. I don’t like to read.

Foxx: I don’t like to read either

Starr: You can usually read a girl pretty quick and then you can pick out what songs are going to work. But your best bet is “Bukkake Tears.”

Foxx: Some girls like heavier stuff, like “Pussy Whipped.”

Starr: And some girls, they like to laugh so you play “Gangbang at The Old Folks Home.” It’s tough.

Foxx: It can be tough.

Starr: The best thing to do though is to go Hey, I’m a Steel Panther. And put in our new CD and press random and play roulette with the chick.