Ship Tattoos To Celebrate the Reopening of the Suez Canal

The ship is free! 

I repeat, the Ever Given is free! The Suez Canal shall once again be open for business. 

If you’re anything like me, you’ve been spending the past week completely obsessed with the cargo ship that somehow found itself jackknifed in the Suez Canal, completely obstructing the vital waterway. The idea of a ship simply crashing in the canal seemed ludicrous, particularly given the fact that it’s a perfectly straight line and the ship was being controlled by a pilot who does nothing other then navigate the Suez Canal every single day. But what the Ever Given did was truly impressive. Not only did it crash into the shore, but it managed to also block the entirety of the canal while doing so. This was a truly epic fuck up.

Have you ever had one of those really bad days at work? The kind of day that makes you want to crawl under the bed at the end of day, all the while hoping you don’t have to go back in the next day? Now, imagine one of those days, only the entire world is watching you. Oh, and the mistake you made at work completely halted global trade and cost the world economy somewhere around $10 billion per day. 

Moving a ship the size of the Empire State Building is no easy task. Which is why it’s kind of funny that the main reason they were able to free the ship wasn’t the tremendous effort to dig the ship out (although that was obviously important), but the simple fact that a full moon showed up to produce very high tides. There are two ways to think of this. Either that moving the ship was such a monumental task it took a celestial being getting involved to finish the job, or that every human involved was so inept they never would have gotten it done otherwise. I’m leaning toward the latter. 

One of the things that really surprises me is that we have yet to see a tattoo of the ship. You know how it goes, once something becomes a viral sensation it’s only a matter of time before somebody gets a tattoo of it. There was Baby Yoda with a White Claw. There was the sinkhole bus. But where oh where is the Ever Given tattoo? Y’all really dropped the ball here. And now the boat is free, thus closing the window on getting the tattoo and it being relevant. We had a whole six days, people. Six magical days, and we blew it. 

I’m not mad, I’m just really disappointed. This whole article was going to be centered around the cool Ever Given tattoo one of you wild meme lords got, but I guess you’re going to have to look at these other ship tattoos instead. 

This whole thing is making me a little emotional, sorry. I just want them to put the ship back. The world was simpler back then. Sigh…