Tattoo Resolutions for 2023

Life is cyclical. The world spins as it makes its 365-day journey circling the sun, so too are our lives here on the little blue marble. As much as we like to think our lives are exciting and dynamic, we end up doing the same thing every year ad nauseum, albeit with some minor tweaks. It’s during these cycles that Tattoo Resolutions can mark meaningful changes and reflections on our personal journeys.

No tradition is more indicative of this than the New Year’s Resolution. Each year we swear that we’re going to be making some changes for the positive—drink less, eat better, manage our tempers better, get a new job, etc.—but we all know in the back of our minds we’ll abandon those attempts before the snow melts.

Yet, we still make the resolutions. And we do honestly try to make them stick, or at least I do. So we’ve come up with nine tattoo-centric New Year’s Resolutions that we should all do our best to follow in 2023.

1. Be a good client

I don’t know about you, but I feel like every single person who works with the public—from bartenders to barbers to tattoo artists—has had to deal with a lot of crazy folks these days. It seems like we all forgot how to act in public two years ago and have done very little to relearn our social graces. There’s a reason we can churn out 45 Crazy Client videos a season. So just be kind, be graceful and treat your artist well. Or else, you’ll end up in one of these:

2. Be a kind tattoo artist

Kindness should go both ways. Gone are the days when it’s cool for a tattoo artist to be a dick just because they can. Intimidating clients was never a great look, it’s an especially bad one in 2023. There’s no need to tell an 18-year-old kid that their idea sucks ass and they should get the hell out when you can simply be kind and explain that’s not the type of tattoo you do and send them on their way.

3. Stop getting horrible tattoos

Look, I know art is subjective, but there is absolutely no reason people should be getting bad tattoos in 2023. I’m not talking about ideas that seem silly or weird placements; I’m talking about incorrect spelling, nothing but blown out lines and staph infections. It’s so easy to do some research on an artist and even easier to find a responsible shop. Tattooing isn’t underground any longer, you don’t need to be getting inked in your kitchen by a dude who is oddly willing to be paid in meth. Every artist has a portfolio online, every phone has access to a dictionary. There are no more excuses.

4. Stop trying to predict the future with a tattoo

Every year I have to write about some sports fan who went viral because they got a tattoo predicting their team would win a championship. Some times it goes viral before the championship even happens, other times it’s just a full-on pile-up of schadenfreude. This past year it was Celtics kid. I will lose what’s left of my fragile sanity if I ever have to write another one of these articles. Please, for the love God, stop doing this. And don’t do what the Ravens tattoo guy is doing either. Maybe just hold off on any sports tattoos.

5. Get that silly tattoo you’ve been putting off

We all have that one tattoo idea we’ve been thinking about getting, but just haven’t pulled the trigger on yet. In the words of Shia LaBoeuf and some unknown shoe company, “Just do it!” Tattoo reality shows got it into our brains that if you’re putting something on your skin forever it needs to be chock full of meaning, but that’s just a load of nonsense. Life is short. That asteroid is quickly approaching and Bruce Willis isn’t going to save us, go ahead and get that “Armageddon” tattoo today!

6. Don’t be afraid to travel to get inked

Instagram (and other social media) has brought the great wide world closer to us than ever before. I don’t know about you, but there are at least a dozen times a day I see a dope artist in my feed and check to see where they’re from, then I let out a sigh of disappointment when that place is across the sea. But that’s loser talk. What I should be doing is saying, “How cool would it be to travel to [insert cool location here] and get a tattoo from this artist I admire?” The answer is that it would be fucking awesome to do that and I absolutely should do it. See the world and get inked.

7. Take care of those tattoos!

This is one of those actionable items that takes almost no effort to do. Just keep it clean, avoid the sun, don’t go swimming and don’t pick at it. That’s all! And yet, we all think we know better and ignore these simple rules. Don’t be an idiot and ruin your tattoo.

8. Subscribe to Inked Magazine

It’s so easy to do! And, in an indirect way, it pays my rent. I also use the proceeds from subscriptions to do things like “buy food” and “survive.” You can grab a subscription here! 

9. Do whatever the hell you want

Do you want to get a tattoo of Squidward fighting a clown? Do it. Do you want to not get a single tattoo all year? Cool. Are you thinking about blacking out that sleeve you got in college for $500 that you absolutely loathe? Black it into oblivion, friend. I hate to reiterate this, but life is short. Go out and really live it. Happy New Year, Inked readers! Let’s make 2023 a fantastic year!