‘Baby Shark: Live!’ Is Here to Destroy Your Sanity

It was bad enough when “Baby Shark” was just an earworm that burrowed deep within our brains. The viral sensation has evolved to the point that it is attacking our collective psyche on at least eight different fronts, which really sounds more like an octopus move, to be honest. There’s the YouTube video that has garnered almost 4 billion views. There’s a breakfast cereal. And now there’s a traveling musical that goes on for 75 pain-inducing minutes. It’s as if there is a brand new circle of Hell that Dante overlooked.

It’s not clear if anybody was actually asking for this to happen, but happen it has. “Baby Shark Live!” is the latest attempt to cash in on the fad by SmartStudy, the creators of the video that started it all. The ad revenue that has been created by the video must be staggering, but the first rule of capitalism is that you can always make more money, so here we are. 

For $125 you can grab a third row seat to watch a bunch of people in shark suits sing a bunch of nonsense songs. Twenty songs, to be exact, and did we mention that three of them are different variations of “Baby Shark?” Because of course they are. Do your little ones want the chance to meet a bunch of jaded adults milling around in shark suits? Because that’s an additional $50.

We already empathized with every parent that has had to endure listening to this song ad infinitum, so perhaps the new tunes will be a welcome respite. After all, the world has already listened to 15,220 YEARS worth of “Baby Shark” on YouTube alone, it’s not like things are going to get any worse. 

One thing that we’ve been surprised by is just how few Baby Shark tattoos we’ve seen. The old adage around these parts is that once something has blown up on the internet it’s only a matter of a couple of weeks until we see a tattoo of it.  Our favorite of the bunch is the time Baby Shark won the World Series. See it and more below.

Now that the Baby Shark musical exists, what’s next? A woman yelling at cat play? Milkshake duck on ice? I know I’m not the first to say this, but our civilization might be a lost cause at this point.