Britney Spears Teases a New Tattoo She’s Too Embarrassed to Show

Welcome to the 237th edition of “Inked Implores Celebrities to Get Good Tattoos.” Today’s plea is directed toward our beloved icon Britney Spears. 

Spears posted to her Instagram on Tuesday that she had gotten inked three days previous. Did she show us the tattoo? No, she did not. Why not? There’s no need to be delicate here, she didn’t post it because it sucked. And that’s not us getting on our high horse about things, it’s exactly how Spears described the tattoo in her post.

Before we get to the bad tattoo, how endearing is that little “tattoo time” dance? I’m definitely incorporating that into my repertoire in the future. What artist wouldn’t love a pudgy old guy dancing like Britney Spears before their appointment? I certainly wouldn’t end up in one of our infamous Crazy Client Story videos or anything.

Anyway… there is a moment in the video where my heart sank into the pit of my stomach. It’s when Spears utters the words “One day I’ll figure it out” right before getting her arm tattooed while standing up!

Oh Britney, what did you think would happen? Why in the world would an artist agree to tattoo somebody’s forearm while they were standing in the middle of a room? Without an arm rest or a counter or a table or frickin’ anything?!?! Before the needle first hit her skin the odds of this tattoo being anything but an abject failure were astronomically high. If her artist was the most precise tattooer in the history of the art form—and spoiler alert, he isn’t—it would still be nearly impossible to execute a precise design while working in these conditions. I’m not saying he’s a bad tattooer (yet), but gravity is a very real thing, why would you work against it on purpose?

Which leads to the tattoo artist. Dude, you suck. It’s so irresponsible to tattoo somebody in this manner. Getting a tattoo, even a tiny little banger like this one, is a stressful experience. It’s not uncommon for a person to pass out while getting a tattooed, often right off the bat when the body first reacts to the trauma its experiencing. Imagine what could have happened if Spears passed out? I hate to sound like a schoolmarm here, but tattooing can be dangerous, why in the world would you take a stupid risk like this? For the Instagram video? Give me a break.

And to be abundantly clear, Spears is not to blame here. Any reputable tattoo artist wouldn’t have tattooed a client in such an idiotic manner.

That being said, Britney, please go to a respected tattoo artist next time you want to get inked. Give me a call and I’m 100% certain I can have a great artist at your door in half an hour, like Dominos. Britney Spears doesn’t have it figured out yet, but hopefully this bad tattoo will be a learning experience. Please don’t make us have to write a 238th one of these articles.