One thing you may not know about the Inked staff is that we’re degenerate gamblers. In the middle of the day we like to bet on the ponies, effectively finding a way to work all day while making a negative net salary. Of course, some days we hit and dance around the office like morons, shooting fake $100 bills out of the money gun we own for reasons unknown. These days are few and far between, but they’re just inspirational enough to keep us coming back for more. 

There’s something about horse racing that makes betting on it feel both classy and extra depraved, and it’s in that bizarre dichotomy that I find allure. It was for that reason that I first attended the Kentucky Derby many years ago. We paid $40 to get into the infield and what followed was one of the most wonderful days of my entire life. 

The day prior to making the pilgrimage to Louisville, my friends and I stopped at a Wal-Mart in Paoli, Indiana. If there is a bright spot in the universe, Paoli is the place furthest from it. I digress, at that Wal-Mart we each spend $20 to construct the perfect outfit do show off at the Derby. Mine consisted of an ill fitting track suit and some plastic horses that I duct taped to my Boston Red Sox hat as “fancy hats” are a tradition at the Derby. Once clad in our best, we were ready to drink our faces off and cheer like crazy for horses.

The official drink of the Kentucky Derby is the Mint Julep. It’s bourbon with simple syrup and muddled mint served over some chipped ice. They are delicious. They go down like water and the next thing you know you’re staggering through a mass of thousands before putting down $80 on a 25-1 longshot because it has a funny name. It’s utter chaos and it’s glorious. 

The weird thing about being in the infield is that you don’t really see any of the actual horse races. If you crowd close to the fence you’ll be able to catch a blur of brown (and some grey) for about two seconds. That’s it. There are screens set up all over so you can actually see the race, but that’s not the point anyway. The point of going is all the pageantry, insanity and bonding. It’s truly a unique experience. 

The 148th Kentucky Derby takes places this Saturday. As a California boy and earthquake aficionado, I’m putting all of my money on Epicenter to win it all. Fix yourself a mint julep, put on a fancy hat and enjoy these horse tattoos!