Martha Stewart Goes Tattoo Official With Snoop Dogg

The only thing more unlikely than friendship between the queen of proper living Martha Stewart and rap mogul Snoop Dogg would be the octogenarian Stewart getting a tattoo portrait to seal the deal. But as you’ve heard ad nauseum for the past three years, we’re living in “unprecedented times,” so would you really be that surprised?

For at least 20 minutes we were holding out hope that the ink was real, but just like our hope that the Philadelphia Eagles would win by at least 1.5 points, our dream was crushed. The tattoo was just the latest in a long line of Super Bowl commercials featuring tattoos. 

Our naive hope was fueled by the inclusion of Scott Campbell in the Skechers ad. I mean, why not just use an actor if the tattoo isn’t going to be real? Campbell has always been up for doing tattoo projects that are outside the norm—remember the time he created a tattoo glory hole?—so it didn’t seem too outside the bounds of reality to picture him actually tattooing Stewart for a Skechers commercial.

Given the way tattooing has changed over the last couple of decades it’s no longer completely unreasonable to imagine Stewart getting inked. I don’t think you can blame us getting our hopes up.

Unfortunately our dreams of putting a tattooed Martha Stewart on the cover of Inked have been shredded, just like the ticket stub I had promising me $8,500 if the Eagles covered 1.5 points and Travis Kelce scored a touchdown. As of this moment I can’t honestly tell you which one I’m more bitter about.

The tattoo may have been fake, but sources have told us that Stewart did actually perform her own tumbling routine at the end of the commercial.

[Correction: We did not consult with any sources at Skechers, this was a blatant lie to save some face after getting duped by the tattoo. The writer responsible for this has been dealt with appropriately.]