Listen up, tuffs. I’ve got real a problem with you. 

Right now you’re probably reading this and thinking, “Who’s Inked talking about?” Or, “Why would Inked Magazine have a problem with me specifically?” Or possibly, “Inked seems like a real jerk right now, they must be upset by a truly horrid thing.” And you’re not wrong about thinking this, so let’s get down to it. Why the hell are there so few Nicolas Cage tattoos? 

You idiots need to get off of your behinds, call you favorite tattooer and get inked with portraits of Nicolas Cage immediately. 

Normally when we decide on a subject to make a gallery of the problem isn’t finding enough tattoos, it’s picking and choosing which ones to feature. My esteemed coworker wrote about Snoop Dogg yesterday and she found a cavalcade of tattoos. Somewhere around 420 to be exact. But why so many? Snoop’s fine. He’s got some tracks. But Snoop has never fought off a cadre of the world’s most notorious criminals to save his friends before making it home to see his baby girl for the first time ever. Snoops never been in a tight spot and been forced to hold up a convenience store for some Huggies. Hell, Snoop’s never even been stung by a bee, let alone had a contraption placed upon his head before hundreds of vicious bees were poured into said contraption.  

It’s not that Snoop isn’t worthy, it’s that Nicolas Cage is a once-in-a-generation gift to mankind. Statues should be erected to his greatness. His praises should be sung far and wide. And there should be hundreds of amazing tattoos of his likeness, dammit. 

Cage is one of those very few people who has the gumption to just go for it, every single time. He’s never afraid to be weird and he never, ever worries about going over the top. By contrast, the man is unable to give anything other than 110%. 

Obviously we’re thinking about Cage these days because of his most recent work, “The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent,” a mind-bending film where Cage plays Cage. Literally. He plays himself and this is not a documentary. For an actor known for thriving in eccentric roles, this has to be his most off-kilter role of his lengthy career. 

Maybe, just maybe, this will be the role that finally leads to the opening of the floodgates for Nicolas Cage tattoos. Pay proper tribute and get a Cage tattoo today!