Sandwich Tattoos

Like everybody else in this weary nation of ours, I’ve had this date circled on my calendar for months. Finally, the day is upon us and I’m ready. After months of research and careful reflection, I’m ready to step up and make my choice on this historic day. I’m going with… pastrami on rye.

It’s National Sandwich Day, what did you think we were talking about? The election? No way! We’re doing our best to be one of the few corners of the internet where you can duck in from the storm of anxiety and uncertainty swirling around out there. A place where you can turn your brain off for a minute or two and do what Americans do best—argue about food. 

What’s your favorite sandwich? Below you’ll find a gallery of sandwich tattoos belonging to some truly dedicated sando aficionados, but before we get there let’s throw out some hot takes. We’ve taken all of the most popular sandwiches and thrown them into one of three groupings—Trash, Good and Heavenly. Got a problem with our rankings? Sound off at us on Twitter/Instagram/Facebook etc. 

Trash Sandwiches

These are the kind of sandwiches that you should never eat unless your very life depends on it. We’re talking about a gun to your head or a Donner Party-type situation. 

Egg Salad, Baked Bean (Yes, this is a thing, it’s horrifying), Toast (Leave it to the British to put a piece of toast between two pieces of untoasted bread and call it a sandwich), Meat Clown, Brain, Subway, Spaghetti Sandwich (Fucking Australia), Wraps (which can be delicious, just don’t call that shit a sandwich), Shit on a Shingle, Vegemite (see previous comment about Australia), Pimento Loaf, Liverwurst and any sandwich purchased from a vending machine. 

Good Sandwiches

All of the sandwiches in this category are good. Not great. Not spectacular. These are the sandwiches that get you through your day-to-day. 

Ham and cheese, Roast Beef, Tuna Salad, Chicken Salad, Turkey (regular-ass turkey, not post-Thanksgiving), Bologna, Croque Madame, Sloppy Joes, Sloppy Joes in New Jersey, Grilled Cheese, Cheese Steak with Provolone, any sort of Italian meat combo, BLT, Club, Caprese, Gyros, Souvlaki, Fried Chicken Sandos of all types, Katsu Sando, Spiedie, Pulled Pork (So overrated, but still good), Steak, Falafel, French Dip, Open-Faced Hot Turkey or Roast Beef, Muffaletta (the olives drag this one down), any sort of Po Boy that doesn’t involve seafood, Corned Beef.  

Heavenly Sandwiches

These are the kind of sandwiches that I would run across an eight-lane highway for a single solitary bite. These are the real heroes (LOL). 

Italian Beef (dipped, hot, no cheese), Pork Tenderloin the size of a fucking hubcap, Cheese Steak with Whiz, Chicken Parm, Meatball sub, Pastrami on Rye, Reuben, Cubano, Banh Mi, Tortas (especially carnitas), Hot Brown, post-Thanksgiving Turkey with all the business, Po Boy with seafood, Brisket, Pepito, Croque Monsieur and Italian Fucking Beef. Seriously, the Italian Beef is the greatest sando of all and it is a crime against humanity they are impossible to find outside of Chicago.      

And last but not least, the greatest sandwich of them all… the Hot Dog. 

Just kidding, hot dogs aren’t sandwiches. Neither are burgers. And people who think they should count should be shot into the sun.